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  I like my pasta at a m

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  I am proving her right every time

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  Microsoft being helpful as always

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  I do not always talk to girls I like

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  So this smells like napalm in the morning

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  My girlfriend has been away When she comes back I imagine it will look like this

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  The most tactful way I have seen to deter hotel theft

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  That was his plan all along

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  So this is why people with cats never find true love

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  I am still getting used to being a Dad